Imagination Land

"You'll get your money back for free girl if you aint feelin' me."

Attention: This blog was born from the shapely loins of obligation.

At approximately3:00PM I was released from the iron gates; a faint knock had been vibrating for five long years, but not until this fateful afternoon was my plea of freedom met with the grind of rusting gates – those of my college education. Plans for drink, food, and merriment have been made with the hope that this celebratory evening will end in a downtown alley, with me singing Backstreet Boys lyrics, cursing my ex-boyfriends, and proposing to random bystanders. However, before I curl my recently trimmed locks, re-apply my eye makeup, and tighten my bra straps (for maximum cleavage); I must complete my blog duty, and that is to provide amusement for the masses. With two empty bottles of Warsteiner to my right, and a half-full third to my left, let us take a clothesless walk together.

I had intended on writing of my college experience, and the anarchy that is soon to step from behind its mask, but then I feared that I would conclude my blog with a spontaneous road trip with no return in sight. Never ending road trips are an imminent product of post-college discussions. Instead, a dialogue of the practicality of living in your imagination will commence. Practicality may be a creative stretch, but it will be a highlight of the positive aspects of such a fantastical lifestyle. I can only hope that this blog will help keep me in my seat, and not give power to my legs and their desire to run for the next state over.

I have alluded to a life of imagination in a previous blog; stating that sex is better in the bed sheets of my imagination, or something along the lines of my self-indulgent writing style. I still stand firmly planted next to this previously written statement, but I now extend it into all other drawers of life.

First there is the matter of appearance. While, in what we will refer to as "real life," we must accept the external shape and countenance our genes have allowed, in imagination-land one can look as they please, with whatever figure that can be conjured. I (my imaginary self that is) am a cross between Jessica Alba and Megan Fox; my figure consisting of great breasts, and round rear-end. My face blessed with Jolie-esque lips. My appearance is kept flawless by a personal team of robot stylists. Robots are choice because they require no pay and little maintenance – unlike humans and their "unions."

Are you concerned with the issue of money in "real life?" Sit back, breathe easy, and take another sip of the beer that will no longer nudge you beyond your allowed calories intake, for we are in the land of imagination.

I have more shoes than you do brain cells. I never wake in the morning with crumbs of chocolate trailing down my chest and empty beer bottles tipping over on my nightstand – leaving round watermarks. My maid on wheels dusts my sloth-like behaviors under the rug. Debt is not a word found in the vocabulary of my imagination, and jobs are unnecessary, but trips around the country are compulsory. I have not worked out the issue of gas, but I am open for imaginary suggestions.

Is your sex life not up to par? In imagination-land sex is as pleasurable as one can fantasize, whether it is X-Rated, softcore, or my personal favorite: Hollywood sex scenes. Did I mention that the sexual partner can be any beauty or hunk invocable?

Now for the miscellaneous category, the inessential, but like the bonus gift late-night infomercials have informed me I can receive. In the third-dimension of imagination I am intelligent, but there is no upkeep required; it simply exists. I have a thesaurus and dictionary for sidekicks; their purpose is to inform me of the meaning behind words, and of all synonyms, which I can then use to sustain the appearance of both my arrogance and intellect.

The best part: My ex-boyfriends are cockroaches I flatten with my $500 Jimmy Choo heels.

This is why I am a self-proclaimed writer. My real world is lacking, and with an overactive imagination I can supplement.

Take a moment to think about your alter-imaginative-life.