Marriage: 1 a: the state of being married b: the mutual relation of husband and wife c: the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family
Frequent definitions due to purchase of a new dictionary to compliment my pocket-size thesaurus.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about marriage, in unhealthy amounts if you were to ask my therapist. I am only 22 as all of the time weathered individuals in my life have told me. I would like to respond with a "No shit? You're kidding me?" But I am far too polite and non-confrontational for such a response. On Friday night while out with my friends celebrating my return, I gave half the night to drinking, and the second half persuading men to propose to me. Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps I am far crazier than I first expected, or if I abandon all traditional modes of explanation, perhaps I truly want to get "tied down." If you know me then I am preaching to the choir, but if you are one of the lucky few, then let me give you a synopsis. I am crazy, and especially with and towards the opposite sex. Since I believe that to be the only relevant aspect of my personality, that is all I shall provide. Absolutely, 100% certified crazy. All you must do to verify my claim is to ring the past or current men in my life.
Now that we are on the same wave length, a seminar of marriage can begin. I must clarify that at this time I do not want kids, nor do I want a mortgage. I desire to live in selfish splendor with my better half in a small city flat. We will have a healthy sex life, money, and sleep. We will chase our dreams without restraint.
My obsession turned from desperately seeking a man to bend down on one knee, into scolding my mother for not practicing arranged marriages.
Arranged marriage (also called prearranged marriage) is a marriage arranged by someone other than the persons getting married, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship.
(A special thank you to Wikipedia.org)
Without delving into the cloudy waters of arranged marriage, I will highlight what I believe to be the upside of arranged marriage. What can be the beautiful upside of arranged marriage you ask? "Curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship." I believe that by doing this, one, such as myself, can also curtail or avoid the inevitable heartbreak of failed courtships. I know that in my previous blog I said "may all know the pain of heartache," or something to that effect, but I say no more. If my mother had chosen to arrange a marriage for me then I would gratefully not have had to write a blog about the damage an ex can do. An ex of mine we will call Bob texted (21st century communication) me to say that I must stop blaming my ex-boyfriends for all of my so called problems. I say rubbish! I will continue to do so until it is no longer amusing to dodge the blame for my senseless and insecure nature. I still hold that I was born normal, and at least moderately sane, but corrupted by the men in my life.
Since I am beyond the age to have secured an arranged marriage, and a matchmaker's worst nightmare, I must explore the alternatives. I have only found one option for a woman like myself. I plan to propose to every man I meet until the day when I receive a yes. I will not be purchasing a ring until I have a legal document signed assuring that he will in fact marry me once the alcohol has worn off. I understand that the amount of rejection I will receive may wound my pride, but I am willing to forfeit this trait to secure a husband. I have already received a no thank you, a maybe in five years, and a fuck no. My pride is still intact. No, I did not ask my boyfriend. It is because he is such a lovely man, and not deserving of a crazy wife.
The question begs to be asked as to why I wish to get married. It is a question with a simple answer. I am a wild one, and I need to be domesticated. If you are a man and unaware of this fact, I assure you that you are of the lucky few. Women like myself say they cannot commit to one man, that they do no believe in the concept of forever, but it is women like myself who need to be tied down with a polyester rope and triple knot. Download an Atmosphere song and you'll find an army of women possessing the gene. Who knows where we will run if we have no saddle.
To all the men in my life- will you marry me?
Please contact my secretary. She will direct you to the right department if your answer should be yes.
If we should fail, and find ourselves in misery rather than bliss, then a divorce can be arranged. My best friend has assured me that there is no man who could live a forever with me. Have I mentioned that I do not believe in the institution of marriage? I should have said that pre-rant. Marriage, Divorce, and the Earth will continue to orbit the sun.
Starter marriage anyone?
"With a smile that's stitched to the fabric of bedtime tales to keep the kids out the attic"
P.S. I love my boyfriend
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